[info]tavia 2017-02-16 12:26 am (local) (link) Track This lmfao.... i am going to be legit with you because i feel like this is a safe place and who you gonna tell, but i'm not 100% comfortable with ana still. or like. at all. his kids are amazing and hilarious though. but i was really excited i heard cole was dating you too because i'm like 1000% more comfortable around you. so i was like BLESS, SHE'LL BE HERE, but no it's okay, i'll send you snaps and you can judge us thoroughly. did you guys like live in a shack or something for a night or how did this lobster fishing come about?? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 12:41 am (local) (link) Track This lmao it's a safe place. i'd love to have stayed but the kid thing is tricky, and they've been upset that he's gone so it's just not a great time for that. but i got to come out for five days AND I GOT VALENTINE'S DAY so it's all alright. i've never had a good valentine's day in my life so i was not hard to please, re: make overly emotionally happy. i was excited for that double date thing though! we can't let them forget or go back on that because i really wanted to do it. we've never really hung out but every time i see you out anywhere, at a party or whatever, you're easy to be around. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 12:52 am (local) (link) Track This have you guys talked about meeting his kids or is that sort of something put to the side for later? and ugh that makes my heart so warm and happy for you, i would crush you in a hug if i could. happy days make me happy, especially valentines day where its easy to feel lost. i'm so glad you had a good one for once. we can remind them when we come back!!! and exactly. i know you're good person because you're so close with kelsey and you seem legitimately real and lovely and it's comfortable to be around. it's just a struggle with me and ana to connect, which is fine, you know, it's not gonna happen with everyone. i spent christmas with them and it was lmfao. a learning experience. i just. idk. i don't NOT like her, i feel like she's still not the biggest fan of me. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:00 am (local) (link) Track This we've talked about it some, but it's kinda one of those things that'll be an ana and coleby thing to work out more than a me and him thing to work out. cause he knows i like kids and i wanna get to know his eventually. lmao i kinda have to get along with her at this point for any of this to work, but yeah, that's been a slow road. i remember christmas though, god, i was in my "let's travel the world and forget coleby" stage and he was in like, paris wasn't it? idek. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 01:02 am (local) (link) Track This that makes sense. yup! i was going home for the holidays and sol came and since he and cole have never spent christmas apart, i told him he could invite the rest of the gang along. do you and ana communicate at all or like how does it all work out? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:03 am (local) (link) Track This we've only talked a few times, and honestly, only one of those times was decently. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 01:08 am (local) (link) Track This at least she talks to you i guess lmfao......which is more than what she does with me. do you mind if i asked what happened, do you guys actually... fight or does she mostly just drop off? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:14 am (local) (link) Track This no, we've never really fought. we had one weird tense conversation but it wasn't even really a fight. i'm not gonna fight, that don't help nothin. i'm so anti-conflict unless there's a true reason, not just something petty or ludicrous. lmao i'm not here for anyone to yell world star at themselves. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 01:17 am (local) (link) Track This yeah, same, i don't really bother with it. i let myself feel upset about it and accept i have these feelings, but i never have the need to confront them because what is it really doing to my every day life??? nothing really. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:20 am (local) (link) Track This have you had actual issues with ana? you said you felt she wasn't the biggest fan of you still. what would you two even have to have issues over. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 01:27 am (local) (link) Track This ummmm. not exactly issues that have been brought up to me personally. but stuff i know that has affected sol and thus it affects me, if that makes sense. but when sol and i first went out together to an event as a couple, ana cried and threw a fit because he wasn't with simone anymore and they had a small argument about it. and since then i haven't felt really welcomed by her, even though i bet if i brought it up to her now she'd act like she'd have no idea what i'm talking about. i think we're much in the realm of us tolerating each other. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:32 am (local) (link) Track This she cried and threw a fit because her best friends ex had a new girlfriend. now imagine this: you're dating her boyfriend. (Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:33 am (local) (link) Track This have you got it? WELCOME TO MY WORLD. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 01:48 am (local) (link) Track This your staying power is truly strong, like i bow down to you lmfao. can i ask something weird?

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:50 am (local) (link) Track This lmao girl you got no idea. but yes, shoot! (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 02:41 am (local) (link) Track This .....how did you luck out in getting valentines day lmfao??? did she get pissed off? BECAUSE IDK IT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING SHE'D GET PISSED ABOUT. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 02:48 am (local) (link) Track This lmao the original plan was for him to spend valentine's day with his girls, then have separate days for ana and i individually. i was fine with that and thought it was cute, but yeah, ana was pissed about it because it left her alone or something? but then he left and idk! i asked if i could come and see him and he.. just gave me those five days around valentine's day. HE LIKES ME, I THINK. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 02:51 am (local) (link) Track This HMMM, HE JUST MIGHT. but also lmfaoooo. i knew it. i felt it in my gut. but still, i'm so glad you two had a good time, he really deserves it. and i'm glad the girls will see him during the weekend, they'll flip. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread) [info]rockie 2017-02-16 02:56 am (local) (link) Track This i try to be good to him, it's hard to do sometimes when he has that other relationship that kinda bombs him/us sometimes. but i try. he's really giving and sweet to me too. WE DO OUR BEST. but i'm excited for him to see the girls too, they're all gonna be so happy. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 03:01 am (local) (link) Track This does it really ripple effect to you guys??? i can definitely understand it upending him because he's invested in her as well, but i wonder sometimes if she's really okay about you guys or if she's just playing along. and i love cole, he's been such a kind person to me since sol and i got together and he's been nothing but warm and accepting to me. and he's so so good for sol. so every time i hear him have a setbacks with ana or his happiness, i just want him to be good and in love and enjoy happy things so i'm glad you both get to have that together. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 03:08 am (local) (link) Track This oh god, yeah, it ripples. she has a great ability of bombing us when we should be enjoying each other. like it's a 95% success rate of popping up with something when we have something planned together that's good. like at this point idek if it's on purpose or not, who knows. but i used to feel the same way, i still do just.. with an added layer. i always just wanted him to open his eyes and just be fucking happy and help himself. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 03:12 am (local) (link) Track This so like... what happens exactly, when she does it? i mean do you usually have to pick up cole's pieces or do cole and ana just sort of disappear in their own bubble or how does it work? but.... would not be surprised if it's on purpose like at all lmfao. but does he think he deserves it? i hope so. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 03:27 am (local) (link) Track This both have happened! so it's a toss up, depending on the situation. i think.. he's started to feel like he deserves it. (Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:02 am (local) (link) Track This also since this is a safe place.. this is super nice lmao i feel like nobody in his life likes me sometimes so hugs the shit out of you. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 01:07 am (local) (link) Track This sigh no!!!! i was legit so happy when i heard. i think you're so chill and open and it's super refreshing. i think sol is just mostly confused by the situation lmfao because he'd never do it himself, but he's supportive. and i can't wait for us to go out and have a good time together and not have to worry about feeling left out or like someone hates us?? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:16 am (local) (link) Track This have you felt left out and stuff too? it's difficult, right? i've told coleby so so so many times that i want to be involved in his life and not on the outskirts of it, but it's like... people that have known one another so long, that's hard. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 01:22 am (local) (link) Track This rockie. ROCKIE. girl. all the time. all the damn time, when it's them three. i know stuff has happened and i don't really know the details, because it's a them thing and it's so hard. and i don't know if you know this, but sol was dating simone before me and they were always like this weird foursome and it's just. it's so hard to handle sometimes and i'm really lucky that cole and i get along so well because otherwise this would be impossible. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:30 am (local) (link) Track This god that's actually really relieving to hear. coleby and i have only been together for two months BUT this entire thing has happened over like nine or ten months time. it was a lot of in and out and emotional weirdness. but how close all of them are, or were, has always been a rough thing for me. like i wanted so badly for solomon to like me at one point that i was sending him gifts lmao like the struggle was real. coleby has done so much better at incorporating me and involving me since we got back together, and it's not a secret anymore or anything to hide, but it's still hard sometimes and it's easy to feel left on the outside. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 01:42 am (local) (link) Track This i got you, sweetheart. it's difficult, but i think it's also difficult for them because they've got years and layers and we don't. it's hard. sol has gotten a lot better at it now and i think cole will too, it'll always be a bit of a struggle, but it will ease. i know sol has my back 100% now, but it was a hard time and sometimes i still kind of cringe at the idea of doing things all together. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 01:49 am (local) (link) Track This that's reassuring, thank you. i feel like time is the answer to so many things lately. it all just takes time. you and solomon seem to be on such good ground together though, like you seem like you've really leveled out at an equal place together. at least now coleby has two girlfriends so you can just pick one when it comes to group things though. (pick me i want to be involved) (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 02:06 am (local) (link) Track This lmfao i am always going to pick you and it'll probably be a thing but i dont care i'm sick of feeling left out on purpose. we should all plan a trip together (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 02:32 am (local) (link) Track This lmao the sad part is, even though you and ana don't mix well, it actually could become a thing that'd upset her anyway. a trip would be great, i know coleby's wanted to go camping since forever.

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 02:44 am (local) (link) Track This she has this very woe is me vibe lmfao so i wouldn't be surprised if she got upset that i'm more comfortable around you then her but at the same time.... she never cared enough about me to make me comfortable. BUT camping could be fun! every time sol and i have camped it's been a nightmare lmfao but maybe with others it'd break the curse. i can't wait until it turns into spring and we can do a lot of exploring in the greens. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 02:53 am (local) (link) Track This yeah, ana is very ana focused. which.. idk, i feel bad for her in some ways. and this better be a safe place cause i can't talk about her lmao i'd get in so much trouble. but she's just.. selfish, that's just the way she is. i do sympathize in some ways but she's not easy to get along with. coleby and i have never made it to camping, we've just talked about it since forever. but i'm so easy to please, i'll go anywhere and do anything. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 02:55 am (local) (link) Track This LMFAO I CANT TALK ABOUT HER EITHER, HENCE WHY YOU ARE GETTING INUNDATED IM SORRY. keep it secret keep it safe or we're both in the doghouse lmfao (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 02:57 am (local) (link) Track This LMAO GOOD GOD, NOBODY TALK ABOUT ANA, THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE. holds you close tbh and wonders why we didn't unite sooner. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 03:04 am (local) (link) Track This hugs you like a sloth lmfao i am careful who i unleash my secrets too and this one i barely even mention to sol about so LMFAO i am just so glad now (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 03:10 am (local) (link) Track This yeah... it's honestly terrifying lmao. like if we got in trouble for this it would be so much drama and so much overreaction and just a shit pile of shit. i've been accused of talking about her before, and i swear to god i think she made that up because i did not do it. so it's something i'm so paranoid about. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 03:14 am (local) (link) Track This lmfao seriously like. not even sol knows about this stuff im telling you, as far as he knows, she mildly irritates me because she's like that kid who throws up at the kitchen table when they're crying because they desperately need attention. SO. LMFAO. DONT WORRY. WE CAN BURN THIS DOWN. and i would not be surprised if she made that up lmfao i think she has it out for you which is why im so surprised by your guys situation (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 03:26 am (local) (link) Track This lmao that description is perfect. she's always disliked me, from the very very beginning, way more than she's disliked anyone else and i have no rational reason why. like i hope it's not an obsessive dislike, but i honestly wouldn't be surprised. i know how hard coleby had to fight her about so many things concerning me and i probably only know a small percent of it. but yeah, i wouldn't tell coleby this, but i'm almost entirely sure she just made it up. i literally went through all of my customs looking for anything i may have said and there were like three vague things that might've been close to what she was accusing me of doing "all the time." so i think she just lied. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 03:28 am (local) (link) Track This okay so. i do think ana sees and interprets thing differently that benefit her. like... i can say, 'ana you make me uncomfortable because you did this' and she'll be like i totally made it up and there is no reason for me to feel like that and i think it's likewise with her seeing stuff that's... not there. does that make sense?? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 03:30 am (local) (link) Track This yes because she's always thinking about herself.

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 02:59 am (local) (link) Track This and.... i'm going to go out on a limb here and agree. i find it interesting she is in any relationship or friendship that is considered healthy because the way she acts doesnt have me convinced she's quite ready to be in anything like that. but she likes things that her own and she likes things to go her way and on her terms, i think. i hate how she treats sol tbh. and YUP DONE AND DONE lets sell it to the boys (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 03:05 am (local) (link) Track This oh, no, none of her relationships are healthy. i don't think so, there's no way they could be. you have to be healthy yourself or at least receptive to improvement and change. i really don't know much about how she's treated sol, honestly, but i can't imagine it gets any better from the little i do know. lmao we'll sell camping to them, coleby will probably need time to get settled back into life but we absolutely should before too long. he owns me two trips anyway. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 03:10 am (local) (link) Track This it's... they have an interesting relationship, all four of them together. her, cole, simone, and ana. so i don't really know, know, but i feel like sol isn't always happy with how ana treats cole and likewise that upsets ana. so it's a very strange back and forth, but i hate how she can upset him or rattle him easily. and he tries so hard and he loves their babies so i dont know i wish they were in a better situation or she at least was working on it or herself. LMFAO why does he owe you two trips?? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 03:19 am (local) (link) Track This sol is his best friend, he SHOULDN'T be happy with how ana treats him. like that's not only reasonable, that's to be expected. i hope solomon is a voice of reason over there! he owes me two because we had to cancel one since he left, and then idk why he said we'd go on a second one. i think because he's planning two with ana, one without the kids, and he's trying to be fair. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-16 03:26 am (local) (link) Track This i think his patience is getting slim with her, but he also will always support cole and his choices of who he wants to be with which i always support to hence me being good and never rocking the boat lmfao. plus ana certainly doesn't affect me as much as she affects you. and jesus that's cute lol (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-16 03:28 am (local) (link) Track This solomon can come over here, i may have tremayne babies at some point too, who knows.

[info]rockie 2017-02-21 11:29 pm (local) (link) Track This yeah i hate it, i don't even try anymore. ever. i've accepted my fate and personality. i remember.. coleby and i were in a room one night, and then ana came in, and at some point you came in too AND IT WAS SO AWKWARD AND WEIRD FOR ME IT WAS SO BAD. but because i was there first i refused to leave. once i realized you'd fallen asleep i just switched to my desktop and left my laptop open like that for the ana/coleby circus to continue with me but also without me cause stubbornness and fuck that. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-21 11:32 pm (local) (link) Track This LMFAO I THINK I REMEMBER THAT!!! LOL AND I WAS JUST LIKE well what's the point here right now. ugh i think that's when zola and sol were still dating too so it was w e i r d rabbit rooms were weird back in the day. i would have peaced out so fast if i was you though, but i tended to do that. i always felt a little left out and ironically stupid and not funny in the rabbit room? because i know im NOT stupid and that i AM funny but i felt especially not (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-21 11:37 pm (local) (link) Track This lmao it was torture but i'm a mule, i was there first damn it. but it sucked so bad, why do i behave this way. that's how i feel too though, and just utterly overlooked when i do get the courage to voice a thought. i haven't been in a public room in FOREVER. crowds just such and especially the rabbit crowd sometimes. although maybe less now? idk i gave up, no new friends ever i guess. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-21 11:51 pm (local) (link) Track This because we wanna act like things don't bother us. i use to do that shit all the time, be stubborn as fuck until i wasn't lmfao. and it's not even like these people are super intelligent or super funny, it's just they're personable so it's like a punch in the gut. i remember ari's birthday rabbit and i just peaced out i was like no one will notice anyways and it was very melodramatic. SIGH i know making friends is hard, especially new friends. i've been burned with them and i find myself having....so little patience for people anymore lmfao. like there are some people who legit annoy me. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 12:10 am (local) (link) Track This god, there are so many people who annoy me, and i don't trust.. anyone anymore, like my trust has been shot to shit which is strange because i think i'm usually pretty trusting. i think it's just paranoia that makes me put a guard up so quickly. but i have really few people i trust with anything anymore. it's actually kinda sad. builds us a burned fort for healing. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 12:14 am (local) (link) Track This ugh, are we the same person?? i think about that sometimes, because yeah. i am disgustingly trustworthy. and i give people too many chances. but last year after the whole jessie stuff happened, that's kind of when i stopped reaching out and looking for people i could trust because it's like if i can't trust a girl i've known since i was 6 years old, like who can i trust?? did you get burned too? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 01:08 am (local) (link) Track This most of my feelings of being burned has to do with ana and coleby tbh. that was one of the things i had to get past, and still have trouble getting past at times, learning to trust him when it comes to.. just what he tells her and other things. and the things about ana saying i talked about her, and then coleby got anon comments at one point and.. it really felt like i was taking the blame for that in his head and ana got off completely free when honestly ana's probably told more people more things than i ever would. i'm still hesitant sometimes when it comes to that, but it's something i should probably get over. idek. i'm not sure i even know what happened with you and jessie. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 01:41 am (local) (link) Track This sigh, you don't even wanna know the web i weave- everything i tell sol goes to cole which tends to go to ana, so it feels like this nonstop level of fuckery, but luckily we've come to a bit of an impasse about it. i try to accept and he tries to be careful sometimes. BUT YOU KNOW, IT IS WHAT IT IS. but yeah that sounds like something to face head on with all you three, but it might get easier as you go along with it. did you hear anything about what happened with jessie last year? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 02:04 am (local) (link) Track This coleby admittedly didn't always treat me the best (he treated me horribly) so it's just... learning to live again lmao in some ways. he's told ana things he absolutely shouldn't have but i also try to trust now that he realizes the limits. but yeah, i know what happened with her and going away and the cheating thing, but i didn't hear anything to do with you in it all. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 02:12 am (local) (link) Track This do you think things are more balanced now, considering it's more of an open relationship compared to last time? like do you think the fact he's both with you and ana helps find that sort of balance? she got me tangled up in her lies. i was one of the only people she told when she and izaak first got together and lied about them cheating on ryan like. right to my face. she spun a very beautiful show, i give her that. like i had no idea how much she lied and withheld until everything came crashing down. so because of that i have a hard time trusting people that they're a.) telling me the truth or b.) telling me the full truth. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 02:23 am (local) (link) Track This oh jesus tavy coleby and i are like night and day compared to how it used to be. things used to be real fucked up, and i don't even feel bad saying that he used to treat me horribly because he knows he did. he used to hide me, for one, and any interactions we'd have in public were so.. tense and weird and he was hateful or snappy a lot? which was not how it was in private. so i knew he was being that way in public for a reason, he just denied it until recently. we went to california once too and after we'd had a nice dinner (the only one we'd get while there) and got back to the house.. he got in rabbit and started watching tv with ana. then fought to the death that it was fine because she was a friend, would i be upset if it were solomon? which is just.. such a manipulative twist of the situation. honestly idk how i fell in love with him but i did. it's night and day. lmao we used to be super fucked up. he's changed massively. jessie is just.. she's a walking disaster, you probably got ptsd from being that involved in her life. i don't even talk to anyone that talks to her, that's how bad i know it is. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 02:31 am (local) (link) Track This oh wow i did not know that. the hiding thing especially. i mean i sort of had an idea you two had something before, but i didn't know it was like that. did he ever explain why? and can i ask- how did it all come back together? like i'm figuring now you two broke up and then he and ana got together during christmas and then.... they broke up? and then you all got together? how else has he changed? and lmfao girl. i think i do. i think i have friendship ptsd. hence why all my best friends are animals. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 02:52 am (local) (link) Track This we were sleeping together for.. three months, i think? but it wasn't cut and dry, emotions got involved for the both of us. he was just an actual asshole lmao god bless him but he was. he'd say really sweet things and he was clearly into me, but then he'd completely tear it down and deny it. it was just mean a lot of the time and messy. it was actually after that trip to california, i found out my mom had died when i got home and... he just faded out. a lot happened for me all at once. but he picked that time of all times to just... leave me. then he was just focusing his attention on ana, and i think they became monogamous around the end of october? idk about anything around christmas or what might've happened there cause i wasn't talking to him much at that point. but it was around my birthday at the first of december when i was like.. i really can't do this with you anymore. cause even though he was with ana, he was so goddamn sad and things would get so emo with us sometimes. i really felt like i just needed to leave to make both our lives better, because he was fighting with ana so much about me too. he literally told me to please not leave him though, like. IT WAS EMOTIONAL AND FUCKED UP, TAVY. he took me to the aquarium for my birthday and there was a moment in the parking lot where he just held my face and i was like... i can't do this shit, this isn't fair to me or ana at this point. i guess once he saw he wasn't going to be happy being monogamous with her, and that i was likely going to vanish, he just.. found the strength to be honest. honest about what he wanted and honest about how important i was. it's a long story and even more messed up than that lmao but i can't even list all the ways he's different. we're so different in every way. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 04:39 am (local) (link) Track This i am so sorry about your mom, rockie, i had no idea that happened. that's such a shitty point in time, but i'm so glad that right now it's, at least, brighter than it was before even if it's the smallest dimmest bit. so like. it was sort of off and on with the conversations or when it was you guys talking, it was too much? and idk how i would have managed to deal with that, trying to figure out a balance while still caring for someone who's so sad and in so much pain. okay so he was honest and you were honest- but how did him being in a relationship with ana factor into everything? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 04:50 am (local) (link) Track This it's alright, she hadn't been in my life for a long time. she was bipolar and schizophrenic, she had a lot of problems that she never really managed or got under control at all. it was still a lot though, yeah. a lot for me to deal with at once. coleby and i always felt off-and-on, even after we stopped sleeping together. it just got sadder and more intense as time passed. it was too much, caring about him and knowing he cared about me, but watching him.. not only stay in a situation that made him sad, but take steps further towards that situation. like i get that he felt he had a try but i knew it wouldn't work. and him being with ana too is, idk, that's his choice. i'm not a monogamous person so as long as i get what i want and need from him i don't mind if he has other experiences and feelings. i want him to have all of the good things. i just wish ana was a good thing. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 06:13 pm (local) (link) Track This holy cow, that is rough, babe. i am so proud of you for being here right now. and getting through that. and when i heard about your guys situation i was like HOW DOES THIS WORK and it's sort of interesting to see how it does? i'm mostly just glad that cole got himself out of a situation and that you handled your situation with him too- like you stood your ground and was like this isn't going to work and that made him realize something on his front had to change instead of yours so that's so good overall. i just want everyone to have good things, except for..... those select people.

[info]rockie 2017-02-23 12:20 am (local) (link) Track This i did, it only took like me eight months! lmao but thank you, i just want people to have good things and act right too. things are always at least a little weird though, all these crossing lines. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-23 12:32 am (local) (link) Track This crossing lines as you mean you and cole and cole and ana? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-23 12:39 am (local) (link) Track This yeah cause of he's upset then i'm upset and it just goes on and on. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-23 12:41 am (local) (link) Track This can i ask you something serious? do you wish he wasn't in a relationship with ana at all? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-23 12:47 am (local) (link) Track This um.. idk, because i don't mind that he has another relationship, but i'd prefer it to be a healthy one and one that's good for him. i want him to be happy with the things he has in his life. so idk really. that's a complicated question a lil bit. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-23 12:48 am (local) (link) Track This yeaaaah i thought so too and tbh he's probably never NOT going to have some sort of relationship with her because of the kids. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-23 01:36 am (local) (link) Track This yeah, they'll always be close. even when they hate each other, they're probably always going to be close. that's his family and, idk her and sol are his best friends i guess, there's just no erasing her in any way. (Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]rockie 2017-02-23 01:37 am (local) (link) Track This i change my answer i wish she lived in a cave in libia. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-23 01:38 am (local) (link) Track This LMAO WHY (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-23 01:40 am (local) (link) Track This lmao i just imaged me at 70 still hearing about ana so often and i wanted to die a little. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-23 01:42 am (local) (link) Track This LMFAOOOOO (Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]tavia 2017-02-23 01:43 am (local) (link) Track This SORRY IF IT SEEMS LIKE I TALK ABOUT HER A LOT LMFAO its the only time i can get it out without offending anyone ok (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-23 01:55 am (local) (link) Track This lmao it's okay, it's actually been nice to hear some of this from someone who isn't kelsey because she's my best, she's got a slanted opinion on things sometimes. so i know i'm not insane if you see and feel these things too. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-23 02:17 am (local) (link) Track This lmfao nah girl i got you.

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 03:17 am (local) (link) Track This oh, i forgot, it was ana that brought it up to him that she could tell he wasn't happy and didn't want to do monogamy. he came to me that night talking about having lost me and i was like.. yeah, we're done. and that was the first night he said he loved me. after that we started talking after having talked.. like.. maybe three times in all of december. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 04:26 am (local) (link) Track This so that was the turning point, that night??? i knew cole was having some problems, especially with depression. we spent christmas in france all together and he wasn't exactly all there, if that makes sense. you could tell he was struggling. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 04:41 am (local) (link) Track This yeah, we started talking again after that night. all november i was just upset and pissed he'd gotten back together with ana. i'd heard too much from him about monogamy, i knew he wouldn't be happy. then december i barely spoke to him. so yeah, it turned in the new year. idk how bad he was around christmas but imagine pretty awful. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 04:42 am (local) (link) Track This it wasn't awful it was just like.... sad and sort of empty, like he was trying to fill that family part. and sol was stressed about him too, so it's been interesting with him being gone. has he been feeling better, do you think, in your point of view? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 04:57 am (local) (link) Track This yeah, i think so. ana is still hard for him to deal with.. especially because she started shit even while he was in a mental health facility.. because ana is ana at all times. but i feel like it doesn't tear him up as much as it used to. idk i mean, he's here now. he came here for a few days before going home, and i went to see him in hawaii. i think he's seeing the good things in his life and all the possibilities for the future a lot more easily than he used to. he still has moments when he worries, i can tell, about what everybody is going through "for him" because he's shaking life up so much. but those moments aren't that often. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 05:05 pm (local) (link) Track This ana has her own issues, i've heard, so it's always like. it's hard for me to imagine how she makes him happy still after all this time together spent with him obviously not okay and her obviously not being okay and how it works together. i don't know if its their history or what. i hope she has some functional relationships to fall back on, but i am so glad cole's positivity is coming through now about his future because he deserves it. does he worry about you two with the whole shaking things up thing? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 11:44 pm (local) (link) Track This i don't think she does make him happy but 🤷 you can still love someone you dislike. or at least coleby can. IDEK THOUGH. i don't think he worries about us anymore, no. i think he knows what he wants is good for us, he just has to get through the hard part. (Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 05:05 am (local) (link) Track This i sent their gifts over for christmas, right before all y'all left, and he told me later about seeing ana pick up the gifts i got their girls and start playing with them. and that he knew she was just excited and having fun with the girls, but he got so angry at her for even touching them. apparently they fought about it. we were so disconnected all that month but.. yeah, i'm sure he was sort of muted during christmas. things with me were still on his mind among a lot of other stuff. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]tavia 2017-02-22 05:08 pm (local) (link) Track This that is so crazy to think about, like how sensitive he is to something like that. he didn't like the idea of ana being a part of somethign you did or?? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]rockie 2017-02-22 11:41 pm (local) (link) Track This yeah, he just.. didn't want her touching them. there's a lot of deep ass coleby feelings swimming around at all times that we don't usually see until they break surface (usually in a shark like manner.)